Wednesday, July 22, 2009

We Feel Blue

Today was the day we made the decision to leave the hospital.  If you were not here to see the NICU waiting room, we had basically made a little campground in a corner and that was our residence for about 5 days.  Snacks, games, sleeping bags, linens, books, more laptops than people at times, clothes, you name it.  However, since Karsie has been looking so well, we thought today would be the best day to wean ourselves off of staying 24/7.  However, it is turning out to be much, much harder than we thought.  Our little girl is all alone without her mommy and daddy right across the wall, and even though we can rationalize that she is in the best place with the best people helping her, it's devastating us.  We miss her.  

On a positive note, Karsie has been looking better and better.  Again, we are still so very far from over, but she has fought so hard to get better so she can come home.  Her oxygen levels continue to improve, and her blood gases are staying well enough to either wean her or keep her the same.  Just before we left, she was as awake as we have seen her.  She was looking around and stared right at her parents.  Talk about temptation to stay another day.  It figures this was the one time that Kevin didn't have his camera.  She'll do it again and it will be on here immediately after.  

Continued prayers for the EEG test...


  1. Praise the Lord for her continued improvement! We are praying continuously for Karsie, Mom and Dad. From Ramona,CA.

  2. Hi you two! (I mean 3:)! ) I look forward to your updates everyday, but this one broke my heart. So glad to hear that she is doing so well! What a blessing, but so sad to hear you all had to leave and it is making you blue. What fun stories you all will have to tell her when she is older about your campout in the waiting room. Hope you have a restful night at home! Wish we were there to 'settle'!

  3. I understand how sad you are. Well, not exactly, I have never had to leave my baby in a hopsital.
    I can only try to imagine how sad you are.
    So now, more of my prayers are to support you and give you peace and comfort.

    Nothing can stop you feeling sad to leave Karsie.
    Luckily, Karsie is not thinking about the situation much at all! She is busy sleeping most of the time! While she is no doubt happy when she hears your voices and smells your smells (I am not being rude...)and is comforted to feel your presence, when you are not there, she is content to sleep.
    That is a blessing. She is just far too young to think a lot, or realize anything is amiss.
    So for now you will feel sad, but thankfully, Karsie will not fret. Just sleep.

    Ask the nurses to comfort her or hold her hand when she is awake, they will even if you do not ask. Those nurses provide the technical care she requires, but also love and comfort. They will talk to her as they do her care, and reassure her in gentle tones.
    It is not the same as your love, but it helps.
    You can always talk to her nurses and ask them to love Karsie for you when you are not there, I am sure they will.
    You cannot be replaced, but you can be reassured enough to leave a while, and take care of yourselves.
    You both (mostly Michelle!)need to recover too, Karsie needs her parents in good shape to love her and care for her.
    (You do know, I am a NICU are not the first family I have said all of the above to, just - the dearest to my heart.)

    I am so glad to hear she is weaning off the ventilator, or at least the O2. It will be so nice when she gets rid of a tube or two!
    I am so happy she is opening her eyes and looking at you!
    Kevin, if you ever forget the camera again...
    (I'll forgive you....)

    I was there today, I didn't go in, but I blew her kisses through the door.
    I am blowing all of you kisses now.
    Love, Jen xxx

  4. I feel blue with you. Love you both and praying for you all constantly. Miss you!

  5. I am so sad for your sadness; and yet, so glad that she is doing well enough to make your leaving possible. I know Karsie has some really wonderful nurses -- I think it takes special people to do what they do -- and I agree with all Jen said above.
    I'm sure you know we prayed for you all big time at SNC last Saturday. It is a blessing seeing those prayers answered. God is so good!
    Try to rest, and we will continue to pray that He takes care of all your needs, down to the smallest detail.

  6. Blue is OK. It shows the love God has put in your heart for His little girl. He has entrusted this precious child to you both and has provided lots of help for you. Rest and renew. You two are a blessing. Karsie is lucky to have such wonderful parents. Praying for you all.

  7. This will no doubt be a rough night. But the good news is the more you are away from her the sooner she can come home with you forever! To know how far she has come and how stable she is now is comforting in times like this. It will never get any easier to leave your child, but believe that God is directing your every step. I pray for his guidance in this time of sadness. Love you both.

  8. PRAISE GOD!!! So much good news!!! My "little girl" (abigail) turned 27 y.o. yesterday!!! It seems like yesterday that she was "my baby." I hope and pray you will experience as much joy with your little girl as i did with mine. much love and prayer, tricia

  9. hello,

    I first just wanted to let you know we are sending prays up for all three of you here in Missouri.

    I totally know how hard it is to leave your little girl in the hospital that first night. My son was born early and spent the first 5 weeks of life in the NICU. I just wanted to share this little story one of his Neonatologist told us that I always thought of when we had to leave each nigh...

    He started out by saying that new born babies sleep most of the time. Then he ask us what we think they dream about? At that point I was like where is he going with this? Then he said newborn babies don't know much about the world. They have not yet played with toys, rode a bike or even seen the out doors... all they know is your voices and you. They go 9 month(or in my case and your own shorter!!) they know your voices. So he said even when you are way from their bed side and they are sleeping... they are dreaming of you and don't miss you as much as you miss them.

    So keep that in mind and I hope this helps... now I am not going to lie it's still VERY hard!!!Stay strong and we will continue to pray for Karsie and all of you.


  10. Dear Kevin and Michelle,
    You are in our prayers, as well as little Karsie. We pray that God will continue to uphold you during this difficult time and that he will heal your little girl. Psalm 40:5


  11. Seven years ago, our little girl arrived in the world at full-term but with a traumatic delivery that resulted in her experiencing no heartbeat or breathing for eight minutes after birth. At the time, the doctors said she would most likely die or suffer incredible brain damage. To the amazement of all and the glory of God, she left the NICU eight days after birth and today she is a beautiful, healthy first-grader with a diagnosis of only very mild cerebral palsy. She is able to keep up with her siblings and classmates and she is truly a joy to everyone who meets her.

    Each child's story is different but our God is the same God and so I pray that you will see miracle upon miracle in your little girl's life. God bless you!

  12. What an awesome reason to be blue: she's doing so great that you don't have to be there all the time. I understand how that can be very saddening, but, what a blessing!!! You have an amazing little girl.

    Michelle, rest well. Kevin, thank you for the updates. Congratulations you guys!


  13. As I read your post and others comments I thought of an email of a story about a little girl born at 24 weeks, and has a miraculous story, like Karsie will. When she was 5 yrs. old she asked her mom "if she smelled that?" her mother said "yes, I think we are about to get rain", the little girl said "no, it smells like Him" her mother questioned the response and the little girl said "it is what it smells like to lay on God's chest" During the first 2 months of life she was in the NICU, God was holding her to his chest and it is that loving scent she remembers so well....
    if you want to read the whole story